Archive for March, 2009
Bikini jeans are Brazil’s latest gift
Brazil is simply full of win. The country’s chief exports are Victoria’s Secret models and Dunkin Donuts employees. And as if that wasn’t enough to make the civilized world adore them, now those crazy Brazilians have somehow raised the bar again.
What are you looking at, you ask? Bikini jeans. Seriously. Bikini. Jeans. Also known as ultra-low cut or “Hey, look at my tramp stamp!” They are sold by a company named Sannas. They cost $94. If you are a hot girl with a tramp stamp, email us and maybe we’ll buy you a pair. These need to go mainstream in the U.S. Like now.
Vince “ShamWow” Shlomi versus Sasha Harris
Some pretty brutal mugshots over at The Smoking Gun. The Reader’s Digest version for the uninformed: An infomercial dude gets into a serious brawl with a Miami hooker he hired up to his hotel room. Details remain sketchy about how this fight started, but everyone can agree there was some serious damage done. Insane.
WTF Aoibhinn Ni Shuilleabhain
Apparently, that is a woman’s name. Really. It is not a strain of Ebola virus. Not only that, but Aoibhinn was recently voted Ireland’s Sexiest TV Star. In related news, they should give a prize to anyone who can spell her ridiculously long name.
Newest MILF of the Tuesday
Gratz to Alyson Hannigan and husband Alexis Denisof. How long before Alyson says “There was this one time, at band camp….” to her daughter Satyana?
Random Model of the Tuesday
Holly Starr. I don’t know what she is selling, but I’ll buy that for a dollar.
Sexiest Video of the Tuesday
Girls Aloud Untouchable Video. If you watch it with the volume muted, I don’t blame you. But Cheryl Cole in a PVC leotard is worth four minutes of your life.
Funniest Video of the Tuesday
Five wacky Russian office workers doing what they call synchronized office swimming. Again, you might want to mute this one. Sorry for the bad music today.
Megan Fox Monday Wifebeater Edition
No idea what Megan Fox is doing in a graffiti-filled parking lot (movie set perhaps?), but really - who cares? BTW, that is a carbon copy of the body sported by Jennifer Connelly in Career Opportunities. For those shocked youngsters, it’s true. Jennifer Connelly once had ginormous breasts.
Sexiest Video of the Monday
That would be Top Chef Padma Lakshmi and Carl’s Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburger. Every girl should eat Western Bacon Cheeseburgers like Padma.
Funniest Video of the Monday
Not the actual Ashley Biden Cocaine Video, but Adolph Biden is full of lulz. Extremely well done.
WTF?!?!? J.R. Yates Reality TV Star Jewelry Fashion Show
I don’t know what the hell that means either. But Natasha Komis was involved and she is pretty hawt. Some nice pics here and her Nikki Slik MySpace if you want to reach out iTouch her. (She thought Nikki Slik was a cool stage name? Really? OK.)
Tim Allen’s wife isn’t bad looking
She just had a baby, but Jane Hajduk is kinda pretty, and really pretty if you are Tim Allen. Marrying up FTW.
Paris Hilton talks fight on MySpace blog
We mentioned yesterday that Paris Hilton recently caused a brawl at a Miami nightclub. Today Paris explained her side of the story on her MySpace blog:
I asked the DJ if he could please play Daft Punk or Bob Sinclair and he rudely snapped at me and was like ‘I only play this kind of music.” I think he was jealous cause Bob Sinclair is a far better DJ then this guy by about a million times. He was so unbelievably rude and all because I asked to play one good song.
Then out of nowhere his bodyguard (don’t ask me why he has a bodyguard, like he really needs one. Ha) pushed me really hard, that’s when my boyfriend, like my knight in shining armor, stepped in and told the guy to keep his hands off of me. Then all hell broke loose, it was like something out of a fight movie, it was so frightening.
I had never seen anything like it in my life. Doug was fighting off like 6 guys. But he was of course stronger then them all but one of the idiots punched him in the face and busted open his lip. There was blood all over, I cried I was so upset and scared. It was ridiculous and for such a stupid reason, I cannot believe people behave this way, like ainmals! FYI this is not in my nature to be in club brawls, I’ve never been around anything like that. It was totally unprovoked and thank God Doug was there to rescue me.
So there is the objective explanation straight from the source. I love the part where Doug fights six guys and only comes away with a bloody lip. Really? Six? Is Paris dating Doug Reinhardt or Chuck Norris?
There is a lot more nonsensical rambling along with her proclaiming Doug is her best friend and an amazing person she is lucky to have met. And if that sounds familiar, it is exactly what Paris said about every boyfriend she has dated for a few weeks.
If you really hate yourself, you can read it all here: Paris Hilton - Clearing a few things up
Paris Hilton worth fighting for?
Doug Reinhardt thinks so. Reportedly he brawled with a bouncer at a Miami nightclub after the guy pushed his girlfriend, Paris Hilton. Fighting for Paris Hilton’s vageen - what a novel concept.
Paris claims she was just trying to talk to the DJ. Until we know all the facts, I’m siding with the security guy on this one.
Valerie Bertinelli bikini hype makes me feel old
Valerie Bertinelli in a bikini certainly looks good for 48 years old. But this news makes me feel ancient, because I remember Valerie Bertinelli version 1.0. I’ll try to put this in perspective.
When she married Eddie Van Halen in 1981, it was akin to Giselle Bundchen marrying Tom Brady. Two incredibly famous, beautiful people at the top of their game. Read that again - it is an accurate comparison.
Valerie was arguably the hottest girl on prime TV. Eddie was the best guitarist on the planet in the biggest band in the world. If we had paparazzi back then they would have been at the top of the list.
News that she looked good in a bikini would have been met with yawns. Yes, dudes would have fawned over the pictures, but for entirely different reasons. We didn’t have the interwebs or Maxim back then. The pictures would have been news, but the fact she looked hot would not have been.
Fast forward to 2009. Times have changed and this is relevant news. So yeah, this makes me think of my Sony Betamax, gratz to Valerie for climbing the mountain top again.
Amanda Bynes loves showing off her legs
Amanda Bynes loves to show off her amazing legs. This is not debatable. And we love her for that.
What is open for discussion - at what point do shorts become a loincloth? How little can they cover and still be considered shorts? Unlike Amanda propensity for stem display, this is hotly debated in the scientific community.
Thanks to our friends at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, we are now able closely examine this issue with the Amanda Bynes Legs and Ass Cleavage Camera (ABLACC). It’s breakthrough technology is something to behold.
While the short shorts issue may never be settled, how soon before Amanda just says “fuck it!” and simply wears a thong out on the town? I say the over/under is the July 4th. Independence Day for Amanda Bynes butt cheeks.
Madame Kristin Davis writes a book
Madame Kristin Davis is all natural. Clearly. If she is blond all over, that must have stung like a bastard. But I digress.
Kristin Davis was the operator of the call girl that brought down Eliot Spitzer and gave the world Ashley Dupre.
(Spitzer has started rebuilding his career by getting a column at Slate and recently did his first TV interview since the scandal forced him to resign as Governor of New York.
Ashley Dupre got a number of sleazy opportunities to cash in on her 15 minutes, but declined them instead saying she wanted to be famous for her music - even though her singing sucks. Huh, where have we heard that before?
Ashley is currently pitching a reality show based on, umm, nothing. Hooray. Just what we need.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.)
Kristin Davis did three months in Rikers and now has decided to pen a book about her call girl service years. She reportedly has 10K+ names of very rich and famous people to rat out.
She started this week by naming Alex Rodriguez as a former client and lover (for free - hookers need dates too.) A few months ago this would have been huge news, but now? Not so much.
What would shock you about A-ROD anymore? If he was occasionally gay would that surprise anyone? It shouldn’t. He clearly does whatever he wants without considering the consequences. Ever.
While it remains to be seen how many other names, if any, get published, Kristin is back in the news for another 15 minutes of iFame by playing the A-ROD card. Some questions remain:
Who’s next? Will someone get a court order to prevent her from profiting on this?
Did Kristin, for even five seconds, consider splitting the funds for her terrible, huge implants with a rhinoplasty? Seriously, she could have gone C cups and a nose job and come out looking like a stunner instead of an extra in a Peter North film.
Reese Witherspoon at her milf-tastic best
I would never count Reese Witherspoon among the uber-hawtness leet that includes, but is not limited to, a Megan; a Scarlett; a few girls named Kate and a plethora of Jessicas. However, she always looks beautiful and classy and scores lots of points for being seemingly stable and not an attention-starved media whore flashing her vageen to paparazzi on a regular basis.
In fact, this might be the best Reese has ever looked at the premiere of Monsters vs. Aliens. You stay classy, Reese Witherspoon.
